TVK discovers the hospital’s biggest staffing problem: a doctor with eyelids

CHENNAI, IN OUR FICTIONAL SEQUEL — Inspired by TVK MLA G Saravanan’s reported midnight hospital visit, an imaginary inspection committee has uncovered a serious administrative irregularity: doctors continue to possess nervous systems. Worse, these appear to function without consulting the local MLA.

A medical degree takes years. Apparently, supervising one requires only an election certificate and knowing which door to knock on. Our fictional committee has therefore skipped the chapter on human physiology and proceeded directly to the practical examination: entering a room looking disappointed.

“We have inspected the pillow. The duty roster is apparently outside our jurisdiction.”

The doctors’ associations’ demand, as reported, was to replace 24-hour duty with a shift system. That is a question about how a public service is organised. Waking somebody up is considerably easier than answering it. One requires staffing policy; the other requires a finger.

In our entirely invented sequel, a Committee for Visible Alertness announces a breakthrough. ‘We have inspected the pillow. The duty roster is apparently outside our jurisdiction,’ says a fictional committee member. He has brought three people to observe the doctor and nobody to relieve one.

The first notice is issued to the doctor’s eyelids for unauthorised closure of a government facility. The eyelids explain that they are attached to a person, not the hospital’s main entrance. This technical objection is referred to a committee on doors.

For TVK, here is a less theatrical opportunity: treat the associations’ objection as a staffing-policy question, not an invitation to establish that politicians can remain awake for the duration of a hospital visit. A late-night appearance is not a shift worked. A party entourage is not a relief team. The hospital cannot put a stern expression on the next duty roster.

Next, fatigue is summoned to explain itself. It says it appears after prolonged work. Asked whether it has considered respecting the mandate, it replies that the human nervous system has not yet received the election results. A party volunteer offers to add it to the WhatsApp group.

The circadian rhythm is then asked who appointed it. It cannot produce a government order. This is considered suspicious. The fictional committee recommends replacing it with a more cooperative rhythm, preferably one available for all twenty-four hours and the occasional photo opportunity.

Back outside our invented inquiry, Saravanan’s reported inspection deserves questions of its own: what did it establish about staffing, workload or patient care, and what remedy followed? A finger can wake a doctor. It cannot fill a vacancy, although our fictional committee has requested a demonstration just in case.

Nor should the accountability test stop at the hospital door. Publish legislative attendance, questions asked, follow-up on hospital vacancies and action on working conditions. This is a demand for comparable public scrutiny, not a claim about this MLA’s attendance record. If scrutiny is good enough for the duty room, it is good enough for the Assembly.

Doctors are accountable for patient care. Politicians are accountable for more than looking displeased near it. The report does not establish that any patient was denied treatment. Our fictional inspection form nevertheless has plenty of room for facial expressions and a surprisingly small box for evidence.

Our imaginary delegation concludes that a round-the-clock hospital must mean one person running round the clock. Someone explains that shifts allow a service to stay open while humans take turns. The delegation requests a presentation on this breakthrough, a suitable acronym and confirmation that the second shift can be inaugurated with a ribbon.

The fictional inspection ends with a recommendation that everyone return tomorrow, fresh and rested, to discuss why the doctor needed rest. At last, a working-hours policy. Unfortunately, it applies only to the people asking the questions.